Bye Mother…

It was on this day, near noon, that I disowned my mother - a favor she did to me when I was 14. I held on for so long, trying to make it work but in the end she just turned out to be one of the most toxic persons in my entire life.

I’ll write more later.

junkie addict mom

3:05am thoughts…

I was quasi poisoning myself or od’ing on iron. It built up in my join (e.g. hands) and for the last few months I’d been in bad pain, hard to sleep, could hardly turn door  knobs. Regular doc blamed it on wrestling. I knew that wasn’t it. Systematic eliminations began with cutting out the iron pills, and as soon as I did the pain began to decrease.  Way to go, doc. I even asked him if it could be the pills, “No no, you probably hurt it and this is residual pain.” Suuuuure, even when I said I didn’t hurt myself. Gah.

A friend asked me the other day if I was happy. A question he asks from time to time which I always dodge. I think, perhaps, I answered the most honest I could answer after 3 or so years of him asking: “I’m not sure I know what happy is.”This isn’t meant as a shot to my significant other, it’s just what goes through my mind. I know that I’m not unhappy. I have moments of happiness in my life, but if you ask me if I’m happy, I’m not sure I really know what living a happy life is like since I’m not sure never really had it. High five for living with a mentally taxing parent! 

Having an advanced degree is making it hard to find a job. Even a menial job; seems they don’t want people with advanced degrees. Still hoping to hear back from the academic publisher, but not holding my breath. Interview this Friday to handle marketing for a bartending school. Hey, it’s work. 

My talent is going to waste every day I’m not doing something creative. All my efforts are going into wrestling since I have no job. Lots of bookings and training at least once if not twice a week (in addition to one or two bookings on the weekends). My next free weekend is something like mid-september. I’ve been going hard since I graduated, every weekend except one. I’m bruised, but having a time. Very good time this past weekend thanks to Santinos. 

3:16am. Let’s try for sleep….

ramblings life as such

From last weekend at AWS/SBWA …a lil somethin somethin on Chippy Parker 😉

From last weekend at AWS/SBWA …a lil somethin somethin on Chippy Parker 😉

The gif reminds me of an ex. Most certainly, we attended quite a few hoity toity dinners as well. Never read the book though….should I?

The gif reminds me of an ex. Most certainly, we attended quite a few hoity toity dinners as well. Never read the book though….should I?

50 shades of grey

Remember when this silly girl challenged B-Boy to headbutt her? SILLY GIRL!